every bird in mid-flight is calling out your name

I'm ready.

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:23:18 GMT

Had a very intense night.
And day.
So unexpected.
Nobody will have seen this one coming.
This could be a terrible, terrible thing, or an awesome thing.
Anyways.
I've got 6 of my weavings going up in the windows of a Harvard Public Health building, or something along those lines, at the corner of Longwood Ave and Huntington Ave in Boston.
So excited! This is excellent exposure.
Very much optimistic for the future.
=]

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:13:09 GMT

This has been one of the most eventful summers yet.
I'm glad I experienced so much, and will be experiencing so much this year because as of today I started my SENIOR year of college.
I think I got a livejournal when I was a freshman in high school. Wow time flies...
I'm going to Haystack School of Arts and Crafts in upstate Maine in October to live in the wilderness for a bunch of days, and then in January I'm going to Vietnam.
I hope to also make several other small trips to various locations..California, Tennessee, South Carolina...and maybe next summer start the Adirondack Trail.
I'm so motivated and so ready to get the ball rolling.
No men. No drama. Tons of friends, for once GIRL friends. New RELIABLE car. 21. [had to throw it in, cause its awesome. haha.]
Hello 2010, my my...you've crept your way into my life so fast.
=]

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:42:25 GMT

So my boyfriend is THE coolest guy on the planet. Literally.
Everyone I introduce him to adores him.
And obviously I adore him as well.
Loving it.

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:54:51 GMT

Who knew a simple pair of boots could make you feel so good.
I sense a new beginning.
Silly, but you've got to be optimistic about something when everything has fallen apart.

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 05:40:46 GMT

A friend passed away the other day...
Seeing him today was so incredibly awful.
It reminded me of seeing Matt.
I hate death so much.
But now hopefully those close to him will realize just how much we shouldn't take this life for granted.
Rest in peace Jeremy Rose..You don't know just how much you'll be missed.

Sun, 21 Sep 2008 04:54:11 GMT

So last night I was having the time of my life.
Literally one of the best and coolest nights in a long time.
Rode on the back of a four wheeler for hours, all the way out to grafton via insane trails in the woods.
Then I crashed head first into a tree, flipped, and rolled down a 15 foot cliff/hill.
Should have died.
Clearly didn't.
Walked away with a concussion, a severe headache, a few fractured fingers, bruises from head to toe, and some scratches.
I'm one lucky girl.
Now everyone knows why I live everyday like it's my last.

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:32:27 GMT

Best summer of my life.
So fucking random and fun.
The end.
<3

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:44:03 GMT

When you talk, you want other people to listen, Melanie. More than likely, your thoughts will drift toward ideas and philosophies that are humanitarian in nature. You are eager to share your ideas with others, and you may have a utopian dream that if everyone just followed your advice, the world would be a much better place. People may make fun of you for having such a perspective, but this definitely doesn't mean that you shouldn't keep on dreaming.

That was my horoscope today.
If you know me at all on a personal level in recent times, you will know just how accurate that is.
Freaky.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:11:51 GMT

I'm no longer afraid to lose.
And I'm so happy to be alive.
I've met more people these past few months than I ever have in my life.
Everyday is an adventure.
Sometimes I even forget to breathe.
I have been avoiding getting involved with any sort of male in a serious manner.
And intend to keep it that way.
I'm thrilled that I can finally live without a man by my side.
I'm only 20.
Fuck that noise. hah.

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:57:44 GMT

When did I become so cool?
I dig me.
I've been digging me for a while now.
I'm so proud of who I've become.
<3 you Melanie.

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:37:12 GMT

It's funny really.
How I have quite literally become the best person I've ever been.
Yet..I am being viewed as the worst person I've ever been.
I've only got this one life, and I want to make it count.
I want every second to count.
I wish everyone could comprehend just how temporary we are.
Life is too fucking short to live a lie.
Or to settle.
You should never EVER settle.
And life is too short for negativity.
Who cares what everyone else is doing or saying?
It's about you.
This is your life.
I'm thinking of packing my bags and settling some place new.
I don't really know what I'm waiting for.
I'm not one to wait.
At least not anymore.
I think I've lost my mind.
But. It's totally cool.
I have been offered something.
A great deal of money.
And who knows what else.
I've got a lot of pride so I don't know how I could even accept this.
I fucking hate money.
I wish noone I knew had a lot of money.
Then they couldn't offer it to me.
Whatever.
Just keep swimming.

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 03:33:05 GMT

So I have come to the conclusion that I may never really feel the way I felt with him... with anyone else.
And no, I'm not being a whiney emo bitch.
I just know it.
I wish I could, and I tried.
But I think it couldn't work mainly because I wanted him to BE this person who I have everlasting feelings for.
And obviously, he was nothing even close.
I mean, it's all good.
I'm still totally happy with my life.
I wake up with a smile on my face everyday.
Just knowing he exists and is in my life if even just barely keeps that smile going.
[That and the fact that life is amazing and beautiful ALWAYS.]
It's just a nice bonus.
Ah well, life will go on, and we will both do our thing as we have been doing and as we will continue to do.
But I think I just needed to get that out there for my own sake.
Anyway.
I did my walk today and it poured. I was very far from home.
I had my ipod.
And while it was thundering and lightening and pouring the hardest rain of all time I just sang.
And laughed.
And loved it.
Of course my mother made me take a ride home after it had almost completely destroyed my phone and Ipod.
But it was still great.
Love life.

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 22:06:21 GMT

I love change.
Every day that I wake up to is totally different than the day before.
There's always new people.
New things.
New places.
I've got no money.
No job.
No actual boyfriend.
No real stability.
But yet, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
Normally such things would frighten me.
But it's just less to be distracted by when searching for REAL happiness in life.
I love this.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 23:05:36 GMT

This is the first year I even knew that it was Father's Day.
For some reason I wish I didn't.
Even though we have a relationship now..sort of...I still don't feel as though he deserves or is worthy of my phone call.
Nor do I feel as though I should say "Happy Father's Day."
We all know who the real father is in my life..
And last night I'm pretty sure he realized just how much he hates that role he is expected to play.
He doesn't know just how much I appreciate what he did for me.
I love my brother. <3

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 03:36:26 GMT

As most of you remember, Danielle and I used to be best friends.
Shit happened, we didn't talk for a solid two years.
We have just recently reconnected and it felt like we began right from where we left off.
She's moving to Florida tomorrow and I had to say goodbye to her tonight.
I don't really know why I am upset about this, but whatever.
It just sucks to lose a girlfriend that I know I could have really great times with.
Now I'll just have to fly my ass down there and visit her in her new home!
Other than this minor issue, everything is still great per usual.
I feel such a weight lifted off my shoulders now that Eric and I have split.
I can finally focus on me.
My "me" time has become a daily routine where I walk several miles and do a lot of exercise related things.
I have been wanting to get in shape for a long time now so, now I'm doing it as the whole getting a job thing has been sucking.
I've entered the "dating" world as well I suppose, which is a weird place for me to be in but it's been a good time.
I'm doing good.
Free and easy down the road I go.

Fri, 23 May 2008 17:45:54 GMT

Fairy tale has ended my friends.
I wasn't ready for any kind of this.
No matter how much I told myself I was.
I've got too much baggage I haven't yet dealt with.
And there was just too much on my shoulders.
I'm really bad at life.
But it's all good cause I've got amazing friends.
I know the grass is never greener, but this isn't about any of that fooling around shit.
I know I'm a relationship girl, but right now Imma do me.

Fri, 16 May 2008 19:25:08 GMT

Lot's of updates on life.
I'm done with my sophomore year of college finally, wahooo.
I'm moved home, back in Worcester. [I still have to pay to live in Boston and I still have a few things there, but I'm using it mostly for a place to crash when I go into the city].
I'm currently working on getting myself a car.
We are currently redoing pretty much all of my house.
I designed an entirely new kitchen, from cabinets to floor to wall color to nubbys to spacing EVERYTHING and it's finally in progress.
All that is left to be done is the floor, painting the walls, and setting up the new stove and microwave.
We've been waiting years for this guy to get around to it and it's amazing looking.
It doesn't even look like my house.
I'm about to get a job. But it will have to be temporary as Eric is coming home in 30 days!
After being dicked around about the duration there is finally a set in stone flight. June 15th-July 6th.
AKA way more time than originally alloted.
I have been having issues with deciding what I should do about this as far as work goes.
My mom is an asshole about money and told me I couldn't just not work while he was here...
But he is staying at my house and I haven't seen him for more than 3 weeks in the past 6 months,
So I decided I deserve this time with him.
As I don't know when or if I will see him again.
He's going back to Iraq.
But I'm staying positive and all I want is to just give him the time of his life before he leaves me again.
I've got a ton of things planned. A ton of surprises. He has no idea what he's in for and I love it.
I am so excited for everything.
I'm so thankful I was given the chance to LITERALLY have a clean slate in all aspects of my life.
Time to get shitty.

Tue, 13 May 2008 01:59:53 GMT

I saw you today, taking a double look to see if that was my car as I for some reason looked back before I walked through the doors and caught a glimpse of you looking shocked to see me parked there. You looked confused as to what you should do.
Good seeing you.

Tue, 06 May 2008 22:05:53 GMT

I take it back. I'm not an awful person.
I'm actually a really great person, I think.

Here's something to chew on.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rvTFKpIaQhM

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 23:36:48 GMT

So my experience in Germany... changed my life.
I just tried to put it all in words but I couldn't.
I am moving there sometime within the next 3 months.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm much happier 4,000 miles across the ocean.

Oh yeah also, I'm engaged.

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 04:34:49 GMT

I highly recommend this piercing.
It's very attractive and I regret not getting it done sooner.
The Pats lost, and I care way more than I thought I would.
I am legit upset about this. Such a heartbreaker.
34 days until I see the love of my life! <33

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 05:17:31 GMT

So. I'm flying across the world, to Germany.
March 9th.
You have no idea just how excited I am right now.
:insert biggest smile ever:

Oh the things we do in the name of love.
I'm wreckless and I've never been happier!

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 16:41:18 GMT

For the first time in 5 years I dont want him back, at all. I never thought it would be at all possible for me to not worry about what hes doing or where hes going and it feels so awesome. You dont even understand. Im starting to believe in the powers of fate so much more than ever, this couldnt have come at a better time and it amazes me everyday. To finally feel like you are something is way more important than any hopes for future security. Sometime soon you'll see what im talking about if you havent already. By the way, Merry Christmas ladies and gents. =)

Mon, 07 May 2007 19:46:09 GMT

So basically, I love life. I dont think Ive been this content in a long time, and its only because im learning to accept myself for who I am and live with it. For a long time I searched for myself and my place in this world, and all I realized was that I am Melanie and that is all. I am who I am, and theres no way around it. I no longer worry about whats going to happen tomorrow, who likes me, who hates me, how im going to make a living, money, etc. I dont worry about ANY of it, I dont know where i'll be in the next few years or even where I will be tomorrow and thats a-okay with me. Ive been reconnecting with a lot of old friends and Ive made a lot of new friends as well, and its pretty much perfect. Ryan and I, despite everything, are getting along great and Im glad that we can have such an understanding friendship for the time being because as much as we didnt see it before, we tortured eachother and it wasnt fair to either one of us. Its time to live, and theres no better time to start than now. Im coming home on Wednesday for the summer. I never thought that Worcester would be my escape from reality, but it has definately become just that. Boston is reality now, and as much as I never wanted it to be...its all good. This is where my life begins, and im totally ready for it. I just recently decided to say fuck it, Im gonna be a sculpture major. I always thought I was a painter but this year I discovered that thats something I can always do and will always know how to do...now its time to learn about another dimension that I have fallen in love with slowly but surely. =) Give me a call kids, I'll be around all summer. 508-353-1879

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 03:56:35 GMT

p.s. I have an apartment here in Boston for the next 3 years (beginning in September). So....come chill. It is quite frightening but also exciting. I have no idea what the future holds for me and I havent felt this way in a long time. I thought I had everything figured out, but everyday I am proven wrong more and more. Whatever, Im just gonna have to go with the flow, right?